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Jan. 12th, 2010 02:15 pmI planned to post yesterday, then I forgot. I'm forgetting a lot of things lately, which is a side effect of the antibiotics. As I've said several times, it's like being at 1am around the clock. Only less high and flying and fun like taking two zyrtec was (oh was THAT ever an interesting exhausting experience).
Instead, I find that my fingers don't obey my brain. I tell them to type one thing, and sometimes something else completely comes out. Sometimes the little red "you spelled that wrong!" line appears and I stare at the word trying to figure out what I did wrong.
Sometimes I don't even notice. Last night at one point I meant to type the subject line "Draco to the Weasel" and instead typed "Draco the Weasel." I didn't notice until this morning, and my inner-Draco was VERY unimpressed with my transcription.
Writing has gone to shit in the face of this. It's easy to RP still, at least if I can grab one voice at a time, or the thread just kind of yanks me in, in an emotional way. Writing, where I have to be coherent not just about one person but about everything going on, is hard. Really really hard. I can see the threads of what I need but I can't seem to wrap my fingers around them and drag them in.
On the pain side of things, I don't know. I think there's been an improvement, but I'm not positive. I'd say... I've maybe gone from an 8 down to a 4? Not back to the 2 I normally live in, day to day. The worst of the ache in the hip has backed off, which is good. I can bend, I can sort of stretch, and I can get up and down again. This is good. But sometimes the pain still crawls up my back and settles into my shoulders and neck. I can't tell if this is normal or if a rib is out of joint (also normal). I'm glad to be seeing my chiro tomorrow. I'm thinking maybe after that, I'll have an idea of what's me and what's not supposed to be here.
It sounds very wrong to say "I am used to living in pain" and that I can just suck it up and deal with certain levels, but it's true. I'm not disabled. I don't allow myself to be, and I know there are a LOT of people who have it far worse than me. I fight every day just to keep going and do the things I love because for one thing, work and family depend on me, and for another, if I give up, I'll never get anything done for myself. So I have to try.
Even if right now I'd rather be face down on my desk enjoying a nap. The worst part is that exhausted as I am, the things on the screen swim in and out of focus. And as soon as that starts, my head aches and I get tired. This is ALSO not good for writing.
On a small happy note, the name Smile Kid is so perfect for the new We the Kings CD because every time I hear it, I do. Smile, that is. I may hear an awful lot of it for the next few weeks.
Want to nap now. Less than 2 hrs left of work, then must go home and cook and clean. Whee? Not. Bleh.
Instead, I find that my fingers don't obey my brain. I tell them to type one thing, and sometimes something else completely comes out. Sometimes the little red "you spelled that wrong!" line appears and I stare at the word trying to figure out what I did wrong.
Sometimes I don't even notice. Last night at one point I meant to type the subject line "Draco to the Weasel" and instead typed "Draco the Weasel." I didn't notice until this morning, and my inner-Draco was VERY unimpressed with my transcription.
Writing has gone to shit in the face of this. It's easy to RP still, at least if I can grab one voice at a time, or the thread just kind of yanks me in, in an emotional way. Writing, where I have to be coherent not just about one person but about everything going on, is hard. Really really hard. I can see the threads of what I need but I can't seem to wrap my fingers around them and drag them in.
On the pain side of things, I don't know. I think there's been an improvement, but I'm not positive. I'd say... I've maybe gone from an 8 down to a 4? Not back to the 2 I normally live in, day to day. The worst of the ache in the hip has backed off, which is good. I can bend, I can sort of stretch, and I can get up and down again. This is good. But sometimes the pain still crawls up my back and settles into my shoulders and neck. I can't tell if this is normal or if a rib is out of joint (also normal). I'm glad to be seeing my chiro tomorrow. I'm thinking maybe after that, I'll have an idea of what's me and what's not supposed to be here.
It sounds very wrong to say "I am used to living in pain" and that I can just suck it up and deal with certain levels, but it's true. I'm not disabled. I don't allow myself to be, and I know there are a LOT of people who have it far worse than me. I fight every day just to keep going and do the things I love because for one thing, work and family depend on me, and for another, if I give up, I'll never get anything done for myself. So I have to try.
Even if right now I'd rather be face down on my desk enjoying a nap. The worst part is that exhausted as I am, the things on the screen swim in and out of focus. And as soon as that starts, my head aches and I get tired. This is ALSO not good for writing.
On a small happy note, the name Smile Kid is so perfect for the new We the Kings CD because every time I hear it, I do. Smile, that is. I may hear an awful lot of it for the next few weeks.
Want to nap now. Less than 2 hrs left of work, then must go home and cook and clean. Whee? Not. Bleh.
