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Jan. 9th, 2010 09:46 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
iamnotmypainNo layout yet, and no icons, but I'm leaping straight in with a first post.
I am Deb, and this is my diary about pain.
Saying "Diary" makes me want to start this out with "Still not well."
You could say I'm a bit punchy from the antibiotics. Just a bit. But the sentiment is true, and after the last dozen or so years, I'm beginning to wonder if I will ever be truly well. I'm not sure I remember what well feels like. I'm almost 42, and the longer this goes on, the more I know my body is still breaking down in the background. So if I can kick whatever it is that's kicking my butt, what will I be left with? I wonder sometimes if the healing will help.
I have to hope it does, because hope is all I have in the long run.
After my shower today I reached down and picked up the bath mat from the floor and didn't want to cry while doing it. This is an improvement. It's either a good day, or a show that the antibiotics are working. But now, two hours later, my inner thigh feels like it's burning, which is a less good sign, considering I've taken tylenol today and was hoping for a good one. I'm going to go do some stretches in a bit, see what I can work out. See how we'll be doing.
First off, hi, I'm Deb. I'm a systems administrator, and a wife & mother. I'm also a gamer, a writer, and a reader. I used to make jewelry, but gods it's been an age since I've done that. I knit socially. I love music and concerts.
And I've been in pain for about the last um... fourteen years or so.
I've been diagnosed with fibromyalgiea and tried various treatments for that, none of which really helped. I see a chiropractor, and have been seeing them for about 4-5 years now. For a long time, that was what kept me going. My back has a curvature, my hips and shoulders are constantly out of line thanks to my work and play being all on a computer. But it helped.
Last summer it stopped helping. I had been doing yoga for about six months and all of a sudden, my body went backwards. I went from a daily pain level of about two, which I ignore, to an eight. My hips weren't working like I thought they should. I spent my trip to Montreal pushing myself to do everything I loved (yes, this does include hiking around the city, because I'm stupid like that). But after the trip, and spending many nights in such pain I couldn't sleep, I admitted there was a problem. And I went to my doctor and I said test me for lyme. She agreed, because it runs rampant in this area, and after hearing about my symptoms she agreed it could be the problem.
The next day they called me to put me on antibiotics. I went from being fuzzy from pain and lack of sleep to being almost incoherent from the deoxycycline (am I spelling that right? hereafter we shall use ANTIBIOTICS and you shall all know I mean the high powered ones from HELL alright?). Three weeks later, I felt good. I almost felt great. A sinus infection laid me flat next and then... the pain started creeping back into my life.
I ignored it. I have been in pain for so long that I can ignore it like that. It took me three days of not sleeping again that made me go back and ask to be tested again. She put me on antibiotics immediately, since I'd had the prior positive, so I'm massively fuzz-brained again. I make typos at a ridiculous rate, and this is making it very difficult for me to write and game. There are moments where I look at the screen and laugh because I swear I thought one word and typed something completely different.
I'm not sure if I'm getting better yet. I don't know. But I figured I'd start a journal specifically for the talk about the pain in order to get it out of my LJ because really, I am tired of whinging in front of people who may or may not want to hear about it. This way, it's completely opt-in. You're here or your not, and if you're here, you probably want to listen to me describing bizarre sensations like the top of my foot burning off (yes, really, made it really hard to sleep).
We'll see how this goes. Maybe this'll at least give me some tracking for what my days are really like. Better than clamming up and just trying to grit my teeth and bear it.
I am Deb, and this is my diary about pain.
Saying "Diary" makes me want to start this out with "Still not well."
You could say I'm a bit punchy from the antibiotics. Just a bit. But the sentiment is true, and after the last dozen or so years, I'm beginning to wonder if I will ever be truly well. I'm not sure I remember what well feels like. I'm almost 42, and the longer this goes on, the more I know my body is still breaking down in the background. So if I can kick whatever it is that's kicking my butt, what will I be left with? I wonder sometimes if the healing will help.
I have to hope it does, because hope is all I have in the long run.
After my shower today I reached down and picked up the bath mat from the floor and didn't want to cry while doing it. This is an improvement. It's either a good day, or a show that the antibiotics are working. But now, two hours later, my inner thigh feels like it's burning, which is a less good sign, considering I've taken tylenol today and was hoping for a good one. I'm going to go do some stretches in a bit, see what I can work out. See how we'll be doing.
First off, hi, I'm Deb. I'm a systems administrator, and a wife & mother. I'm also a gamer, a writer, and a reader. I used to make jewelry, but gods it's been an age since I've done that. I knit socially. I love music and concerts.
And I've been in pain for about the last um... fourteen years or so.
I've been diagnosed with fibromyalgiea and tried various treatments for that, none of which really helped. I see a chiropractor, and have been seeing them for about 4-5 years now. For a long time, that was what kept me going. My back has a curvature, my hips and shoulders are constantly out of line thanks to my work and play being all on a computer. But it helped.
Last summer it stopped helping. I had been doing yoga for about six months and all of a sudden, my body went backwards. I went from a daily pain level of about two, which I ignore, to an eight. My hips weren't working like I thought they should. I spent my trip to Montreal pushing myself to do everything I loved (yes, this does include hiking around the city, because I'm stupid like that). But after the trip, and spending many nights in such pain I couldn't sleep, I admitted there was a problem. And I went to my doctor and I said test me for lyme. She agreed, because it runs rampant in this area, and after hearing about my symptoms she agreed it could be the problem.
The next day they called me to put me on antibiotics. I went from being fuzzy from pain and lack of sleep to being almost incoherent from the deoxycycline (am I spelling that right? hereafter we shall use ANTIBIOTICS and you shall all know I mean the high powered ones from HELL alright?). Three weeks later, I felt good. I almost felt great. A sinus infection laid me flat next and then... the pain started creeping back into my life.
I ignored it. I have been in pain for so long that I can ignore it like that. It took me three days of not sleeping again that made me go back and ask to be tested again. She put me on antibiotics immediately, since I'd had the prior positive, so I'm massively fuzz-brained again. I make typos at a ridiculous rate, and this is making it very difficult for me to write and game. There are moments where I look at the screen and laugh because I swear I thought one word and typed something completely different.
I'm not sure if I'm getting better yet. I don't know. But I figured I'd start a journal specifically for the talk about the pain in order to get it out of my LJ because really, I am tired of whinging in front of people who may or may not want to hear about it. This way, it's completely opt-in. You're here or your not, and if you're here, you probably want to listen to me describing bizarre sensations like the top of my foot burning off (yes, really, made it really hard to sleep).
We'll see how this goes. Maybe this'll at least give me some tracking for what my days are really like. Better than clamming up and just trying to grit my teeth and bear it.
